My right to sleep...

Well, this morning as I lay in bed contemplating getting up for my quiet time, I realized that I've taken sleep and made it an idol in my life. How can something I don't get be an idol??? :P I often set my alarm to get up for my quiet time and then when it goes off, I am simply too tired. God cannot possibly expect me to get up without getting enough sleep just to do my devotions...could He?

I would not even presume to say what He would have you do in a moments like this because one thing I have learned intimately over the last year is that He calls different people to do different things, and when we begin to judge others in their relationship with Christ, it is simply a reflection on our own sin and weakness. 1 Corinthians 8 talks about God convicting some people not to eat meat that had been offered to idols while others could look at it as just food and eat it without stumbling.

Anyway, for some reason, this is what God has convicted my heart, and I would be lying to say I was glad! Morning by morning, however, I am going to do my best to keep my priorities in proper order, which means getting up for my quiet time regardless of how tired I am. I'm sure I will fail, but I pray that He would love me more perfectly than I even love my two year old and patiently show me again and again.

So this morning I got up before my alarm. I did not want to, but I found myself anxious to begin what promises to be a trying day, as I definitely got very little sleep last night (Dylan has her first cold and was up with a stuffy nose all night). I was praying, "Lord, please show me how you would have me begin my day," as my Bible studies have not yet arrived. So I decided to start with some journaling to clear my thoughts.

Another thing God has been showing me is that the way I pray about sleep is ineffective because it is so me-centered. You see, on those nights when one or both girls is not sleeping well, I find myself begging God, "Please let her go back to sleep. Please, help her sleep. Please, Lord, make her sleep for just three hours." The Holy Spirit showed me quite clearly that what I need to be praying is, "Lord, please give me the strength to make it through this night. Please strengthen me as I face tomorrow. Give me peace. Help me to be the mother You've called me to be."

To tell the truth, although I have been praying this for the past few nights, I am scared to do so. Why, you ask...well, sometimes when you pray for such things (as in the case of patience), God answers the prayer not by magically providing the thing you're praying for but by providing you with a multitude of opportunities to practice it. EEK! So along with my prayer for strength, I have also been reminding God that He knows how much I can handle and promises not to give me any more than that!

Anyway, those are just some lessons I'm learning. I think what I will do now is read some Psalms and spend some time just in communion with my God!