Saturday, January 20, 2007

Struggling a little bit

Okay, this is just a rambling, journal-type post, and I realize that a lot of it is written in Christianese, but it just seems to be the easiest way to explain it...

I know that mountain peaks and valleys are part of growing in our relationship with the Lord, and I know that true growth happens in the valleys, so to speak, but I think I'm coming down off the mountain right now, and I don't like it!

I'm so thankful that God gives me the experience of times with Him when it feels like I'm on the mountain-top. These are times when I love to read His Word, have no trouble motivating myself to do my devotionals, feel like I'm learning something new everyday, etc. Unfortuantely, my if-you-can't-be-perfect-then-you-might-as-well-quit personality does not do well in the valley, and I want that to change.

I think my last mountain-top experience was at the beginning of 2006 as well, and honestly, when it ended, I got pretty stagnant. It's not that I fell away from the Lord or anything, but I definitely stopped growing.

I don't want that to happen again. I want to continue investing time and energy into my relationship with God. I want to read through the Bible this year, completely, not giving up halfway through or less. I want to continue to make prayer a part of every hour of every day.

Honestly, it's not only for myself and for my God (because He deserves so much more than I could give!), but also for my girls. The heritage I want to pass down to them is one of relying totally on God, seeking Him daily and growing in my walk with Him. What greater gift could I give them?

1 comment:

kimberly said...

sorry to hear that you're experiencing this. it's never fun. here's the "fun" level of being tested... :)